The Fifth Buddhist Lay Precept

(For those unfamiliar with the Buddhist precepts, the fifth one is to avoid intoxicants.)

When I first took refuge, I thought the fifth precept would be the easiest one for me. Actually, I assumed I wouldn’t even have to think about it. I grew up in a family with an alcoholic parent and, as a result, chose to avoid what I labeled intoxicants (alcohol, illegal drugs) altogether. I had incorrectly concluded that the intoxicants were the primary cause for most of my childhood suffering and figured that if I didn’t engage in them, I would eliminate my suffering.

Here I am, some four decades later, still working on eliminating my suffering. After attending teachings on refuge and the lay precepts, I learned the word “intoxicant” can refer to a great many things. Intoxicant, in my dictionary, is defined as “intoxicating or exhilirating.” Through the living of my life, I have come to recognize it as an addictive activity or state of being that leads me to behave in negative ways. There are many things in life that can be exhilirating or lead to a negatively altered state of mind without me having to drink or ingest anything.

When I was young, the way I escaped suffering was to read. Reading, that’s a good thing, yes? Parents encourage it. Teachers encourage it. The thing is I didn’t just read. In my mind I was living whatever I read which was usually a fictional novel. To get my attention, someone would have to actually touch me because even when they yelled at the top of their lungs in my face, while I was reading, I didn’t hear them. I read while walking to school and walking home which, given my level of immersion, seems like risky behavior to me now. I read when I was supposed to be doing my homework which led to poor grades and nearly failing my senior year in high school.

Ultimately, thinking about what an “intoxicant” actually is and working to identify them in my life has been the true gift of taking this precept. Now the activities I work hardest to counter are watching television and playing games (mostly online roleplaying games). These “intoxicants” not only rob me of time better spent but they also frequently result in negative behavior when I feel I’m being interrupted from an exhilirating pursuit. Running away or distracting myself from what is in front of me, which seems to be the goal of most intoxicants, just hasn’t work for me in the long run. So the precept I thought would be one I could virtually ignore has turned into probably the most significant of all.

Breathing

Ever notice how some things in life don’t attract much attention until they aren’t available anymore? Breathing is like that. I go along through my day, week, life, breathing regularly without taking much notice. Then suddenly I get bronchitis and every breath seems to have my full attention.

Then there are the things that rely on being able to breathe that suddenly seem so challenging, breathing meditation for example. I found it very hard to watch my breath without bringing about more coughing and distress than I was already experiencing.

Some things that I use every day, such as the television, my cell phone and computer, I don’t seem to miss very much when I have to go without them for a given period. Being without them can even be like a little vacation. Breathing is definitely not one of those things.

Why be mean?

Recently I was looking for a note taking application to help me journal while on the go. I have a fantastic journal application on my desktop so I was most interested in a program that would let me write and then transfer the information in a convenient way. Some apps were too complicated, some didn’t offer a handy way to transfer the data, some just didn’t have an appealing interface. Then I received a PIN about DulyNoted Pro by Screamingtoaster. It was just what I needed!

Having DulyNoted Pro on my mind, I noticed Crackberry just posted a review and went to read it. The review was thorough and fair. The initial comments about the review were anything but thorough or fair.

Folks lambasted Screamingtoaster for their $10 annual fee for the software. For the most part, I didn’t see any rational discussion comparing this program to other paid software in the genre. Instead folks complained that it was not free, that the developers wanted an annual fee instead of a one-time purchase and that the price was unreasonable.

Yes, I’m a very satisfied customer of Screamingtoaster’s products. I use both the Wicked Blogging app and now DulyNoted Pro. That is irrelevant.

Even if I agreed with the opinions of those that posted, I find the manner in which their views were expressed in very poor taste. Present details, comparisons and your own experience with other products. Compare the product to similar ones. Offer well thought out reasons for finding the price objectionable. This would lend some value to your statements.

Being mean or making statements without substantiation only makes the person who left those comments look bad and it certainly has no affect on my view of the product.

So after reading those comments, I am left with one question – Why be mean?

The Big Question

Is death the end of everything or a significant transition along the path of some kind of beginningless/endless existence?

I’ve come to a point in my life where I don’t believe that death is the end of it all. What I do believe is harder to pin down.

I am comfortable with the idea of a beginningless mind and the continuity of consciousness. After that things become less clear.

What do you think?

Riding the Rollercoaster

Does summer feel like a rollercoaster to you? As the parent of two teenagers, it sure feels that way to me sometimes. Maybe it’s not the summer or being a parent. Perhaps life is like this regardless of the circumstances. I always seem on the verge of catching my breath when some new crisis arrives demanding attention.

At times I think, “if only I’d made a different choice.” But I suspect that no matter what choices I make, I will eventually find myself in the midst of yet another moment filled with distress.

This isn’t to say there aren’t happy moments. There definitely are. Somehow the ones that are more challenging to traverse just seem to capture and hold my attention with a tighter grip.

At some point I remember to breathe again and all the dust seems to settle for a brief time. And then, just when I think I can actually breathe a little easier, I’m suddenly plummeting down another hair-raising descent on this ride I call life.

Ever truly content?

Have you ever truly felt content? I am not talking about how you feel when watching television, reading a book, crafting, working or attending a gathering. The moments I am speaking of are those when you are not doing anything at all, with no distractions.

Recently we started meditating as a family. Before our meditation, we read one of the sections in Wherever You Go There You Are by Jon Kabat-Zinn to help us bring to mind why we are sitting together. Last nights section was “Capturing Your Moments” and suggested ’an eddy of dissastifaction with what we are seeing or feeling in that moment’ as the reason for our lapses in awareness. In our desire to feel content, we act to change our present moment by doing something.

The problem, for me, is that the actions I engage in to change my present moment are usually more distraction than  productive. This only perpetuates my sense of dissatisfaction and can even increase it.

Much of my approach, to date, has been to keep myself distracted so I don’t have to feel uncomfortable. I can get very focused when I am in the midst of a task, particularly if I am reading. I spent a great deal of my youth running away from my life by jumping into books.

The last few days I’ve been attempting a meditation on my precious human life and I haven’t gotten through a whole session yet. “Small steps,” I keep telling myself. Eventually I will make it through. Make it through to what? Is contentment really coming up somewhere along this path I am traveling?

Weekend Retreat

 

The weekend retreat on emptiness was a fantastic experience. I’m continually seeking ways to approach interactions with my family that will help me get out of my own and everyone else’s way and benefit us all. We went over several ways of looking at ourselves during meditation that may prove quite useful in helping me do just that. The exercise of creating my About page came in handy as well. When we were talking about the labels we impute upon ourselves I had a sizeable list available to contemplate.

Venerable Losang Drimay encouraged us to read How to See Yourself as You Really Are by His Holiness the Dalai Lama if we choose to continue to study emptiness. She said it is very well organized and thorough in its treatment of the topic. It is now on my wish list and I’m looking forward to reading it.

An Introduction to Wisdom

Last night, I attended a talk, Introduction to Wisdom, given by Venerable Losang Drimay at our local FPMT center, Osel Shen Phen Ling. I wasn’t sure what to expect but the fact that it was intended to be an introduction encouraged me.  As it turns out, Ven. Drimay based her presentation on the last verse of The Vajra Cutter Sutra, which is:

“As a star, a visual aberration, the flame of a lamp, an illusion, dew, a bubble, a dream, a flash of lightning, and a cloud – view all the compounded like that.”

She talked about each symbol and how they might represent or illustrate some aspect of emptiness. I enjoyed her explanations immensely and hope to use these examples in my meditation practice.

One thing about Venerable Drimay that I greatly appreciate is her awareness of and compassion for those very new to Tibetan Buddhist traditions. She always takes the time to explain why she is doing something, such as prostrations, and makes a point of letting folks know that they ought to do whatever is most comfortable for them.

After the break, we recited The Vajra Cutter Sutra. I’d never been a part of a group recitation of this length before. What an uplifting experience! Ven. Drimay even played a recording of Lama Zopa Rinpoche reciting it in Tibetan while we did so in english.

Who am I?

When I began to think about what I would put in my ‘biography’ for this site, what came to mind was labels for the roles I serve or the interests I pursue. Do these define who I am or are they simply a description of what I do? Is there a difference between the two?

I am in a continuous state of change, remaking myself every moment, but there are qualities about myself that I perceive as consistent. They aren’t unchanging. Perhaps these qualities can best be described as habits or ways of being to which I am accustomed. Some I like, some I don’t and some I am actively working to remake or change.

Who I am probably also depends on the perspective of the person perceiving me and the time and circumstances under which they do so. Sometimes I am grumpy and other times I am feeling very flexible. Sometimes I am avoiding everything I don’t like about my life and other times I am embracing both the joyful and repugnant aspects. There are a lot of characteristics about me and my life that can seem to define me in one moment and then, in another moment, not apply at all.

So where do I find the ‘me’ that exists beyond these labels? Is there a ‘me’ that exists beyond these labels? If they are all that I am, can I choose not to be some and to add others? Would I then be someone other than who I am right now? Or, if I am continuously in a state of change, am I ever the same ‘me’ in any two given moments? If not, who was I then, who am I now and how do I discern the difference?

Can anything I write truly communicate who I am? I suppose I’m going to find out.